I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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