so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize