What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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