Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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