WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
