Don't make out with my wife yet
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
