the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
