Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
do herpes really smell.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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