I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
