Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
My butt remains clenched, sir.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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