i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
