Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
