he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
