I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
