two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Do you remember whose house we're in?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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