i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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