You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
it's great music for shaving your balls
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
