When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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