I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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