I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
