I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
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