so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
