I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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