I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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