I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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