It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Randomize
