I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
