i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
