i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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