It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
