How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
