we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
