dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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