Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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