I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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