paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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