I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
