Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
