Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
