i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
This is not my ceiling
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
