They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
