Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
