Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
NoShamevember. You game?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
