I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
