i was rollin on her like bob the builder
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
