: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
the liver wants what the liver wants
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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