Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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