Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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