so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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