Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize