Don't make out with my wife yet
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Randomize
