i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize