i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
