my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
