If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
