He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
