probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
