I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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