In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
