i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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