This is not my ceiling
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
