Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
