dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
