let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Randomize
