We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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