I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
