sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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