my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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