aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Randomize
